Act III: "Main Engineering"
LUCAS: Boy, Main Engineering sure looks a lot like the mess hall. But maybe
it's just me... I guess we should... do some shit to the warp core. Like oil
it, or something. Whatever. Just... Hey, do you guys smell something?
CREWMAN: Now that you mention it...
STINKY PETE: Die, bastards!
THOR: Hey! Hey! Lucas! Guess what? Two more days until.... Happy
Birthday to you... Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday Dear Lucas!
Happy Birthday to you! Sixty-Four years old!
LUCAS: It's not my birthday! What the hell is going on here? And what is
STINKY PETE: I'm taking over your ship, bastard!
LUCAS: And you're using a pitchfork, a mummy, and some dope carrying a
balloon flag? Right...
[cue overdramatic action music]
LUCAS: You'll never take this ship! The line must be drawn here! This far
and no further!
THOR: Happy Birthday Lucas Tompkins!
STINKY PETE: Smell my wrath, bastards! I haven't bathed since 1987! I've
been wearing this shirt since 1993! And I found it in a garbage dump! And
this brown pitchfork isn't made of wood... if you catch my drift. And you
should, because it's a visible green stench cloud.
NEFUARAK: We need to get into the battle. Come, Nelson.
NELSON: But... But... It's time for me to go home. I leave at three o' clock.
NEFUARAK: What? It's 2:59! Cripe! Master Ganondorf will kill me if you get
overtime! On this budget we can't afford that!
NELSON: I'd... I'd better go!
NEFUARAK: No, that would take too much time! We need to get you off the
NELSON: But... but...
NEFUARAK: Quick, get shot by a phaser beam! That's the only way to
prevent overtime pay!
NEFUARAK: I won't miss her... Him. It...
KENDALL: Commander Harrison... there is apparently a "disturbance" in
MATTHEW: Of what sort?
KENDALL: That is a good question...
STINKY PETE: Die bastards! Die! Your mothers are ugly and their feet
stink! And if you do not die within the next five seconds, I will have to insult
NEFUARAK: Your ship... is... ours... Really. Just give up now, so I don't get
LUCAS: What the hell are they doing?
CREWMAN: I think they're taking over the ship.
THOR: Hey, Lucas... Do you like rides? You coming December 18?
GANON: ... You people are frickin' idiots! How hard is it to take over a
freaking starship? NOT THAT DIFFICULT! If the Kazon can do it, any morons
should be able to do it!
NEFUARAK: Master, the conditions aboard the Starlight were grueling. And
your evil henchpersons were incompetent beyond words. However, I do
have good news. I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by
switching to Geico. And... I save hours by eliminating that ... Nelson thing.
GANON: At least some good came out of this mission!
KATHY: You should have sent me, Master! I wouldn't have failed you.
GANON: Yes, you would have.... But I hope this failure taught us some
valuable lessons... like... don't take a pitchfork into a phaser fight.
STINKY PETE: The damn bastards wouldn't die! My stench... it failed me!
GANON: No, Stinky Pete, it failed all of us. You are a smelly, putrid pile of
STINKY PETE: Tell me something I don't know.
GANON: As you wish... Stinky Pete... You're fired!
EGAD!! That's insane!!!!!!!
NEFUARAK: Master, are you absolutely certain?
GANON: Of course I'm certain! I have to be certain. The tour group is
here. I can't show any signs of weakness now!
THOR: Hey, Ganon! You working today?
NEFUARAK: It's best to ignore him.
GANON: Right. Anyway... Stinky Pete's departure leaves our evil
organization a man short. We're going to need somebody to fill that gap.
NEFUARAK: I'll put a "Help Wanted" ad in the newspaper right away.
STORM TROOPER: Lord Vader, now that Star Wars is over... it would seem
that you are out of a job.
VADER: True. I was thinking about going into retirement, but... I'm not
STORM TROOPER: Well, I have good news... I was reading the newspaper
this morning and I found something that might be of interest...
VADER: I'm listening...
ALAN: ...so I had to come all the way to our quarters to take my break.
ALAN: Say... what are YOU doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be on the
ERIN: Probably. But I had... other things to take care of.
ALAN: Like what?
ERIN: Um... Angela needed me.
ALAN: Oh. ... ... You know, Erin, something has been bothering me about
Angela this episode. Her hair is red.
ERIN: Your point?
ALAN: I'm blonde. You're brunette...